Having a mental health issue can be tough. What can make it harder is trying to get almost strangers to understand why you aren’t your normal self one day, or you have to leave class because of panic attacks and they don’t really know why the class gave you a panic attack at all. It’s frustrating repeatedly trying to explain why you can’t do things and why life can be a struggle. It’s not easy to explain at all and it’s even harder to find the courage to sit down and talk to them without worrying about whether or not they will be understanding towards your illness. So here’s somethings I wish I could tell my class.
Sometimes I want to not be in a class. I want to be at home with my family and pretend that life isn’t actually happening. I’m sorry if me sitting there being quiet and not wanting to participate makes me look like I dislike you or I am “In a mood” but sometimes I need some space. I need to be left alone and sometimes I just wish that I could be treated like I am invisible. But I know that’s confusing and I know it can be tough to see why I need that but sometimes I just need to be alone.
I don’t know why I get panic attacks sometimes. I don’t know why lectures or lessons give me panic attacks. I know that it can be hard to realise why those situations are making me panic but it’s just how my brain works and I am trying my hardest to learn ways to make it easier. Until then please don’t question me when I am having a panic attack, it’s hard enough to deal with them and then tell you I am having a panic attack. It just makes it harder to take my focus from trying to get rid of them to trying to explain why I am having a panic attack.
Life isn’t easy for me. I find uni incredibly difficult and daunting but I have incredible help and it’s been made so much easier by the wonderful teachers I have to support me. I want you to know that I don’t want you to treat me differently. I struggle to not judge every little thing I say or do, my mind is constantly putting me down. I find it difficult to tell you about my illness because I have been judged in the past and I’m scared that I will go back to being the weird kid again.
Uni can be tough with a mental health issue but there are always people around to support you and the holidays come a lot faster than you would think!