Okay with exams just around the corner, assignments creeping in, and dare we speak of results day. Let’s just say I know the pressure too well.
Far too well. And it wasn’t even pressure to excel but to have it all figured out. You know what mean, right?
That fear that strikes your heart when someone asks, what do you want to do with your life ? Or worse…what are your career goals?
It’s frightening not to know what you want to do with your life, not having a long term goal is lowkey scary especially when everyone else seems to know what they are doing.
Shoot I used to fake it till I made it, and that soon crushed and burnt on results day.
Results day was hmmm, how do I say emotionally scarring?
I didn’t get into any university, instead I had an epiphany. What people thought of me, my parents, my family, my friends, shaped my dream.
Being an advocate for human rights as well as an activist, didn’t necessarily mean being a big shot international lawyer. You know the one that has a sit in the UN?
The ‘I just want to help people’ went a tad bit far. I did want to help people, I just didn’t know any other way besides politics. And when it came to it, to fight for my place in law school through clearing honestly that burning desire was long gone.
It didn’t even spark. Call it cliche, but that was a sign to invest in some self discovery through travelling of cause.
From having my own little place in a new city 205 miles away from home, job that was fulfilling, I was adulting at 18!
Before I knew it I was on a plane to South Africa to rediscover my roots and give back, from Cape Town to Jo’Burg and Zimbabwe I had conquered fears while fulfilling wishes I didn’t think I ever would.
The biggest was surprising my grandparents after not seeing them for 10 years! I think nearly gave my grandmother a heart attack when I shouted ‘Gogo’ (grandmother in Ndebele) on the streets.
You see it was just an ordinary day for her she was going to the corner shop, only to see her granddaughter she hadn’t seen in a decade.
It’s funny because my grandfather couldn’t believe it, he started to call me by my nickname when he noticed my front two tooth he used tease me about.
I also made a new friend, muffin.
And being surrounded by my external family and the fact that they all gathered together to send me of in style; music, dancing and food was one of the best memories in my teenhood.
That, and table mountain.
I conquered my fear of heights by hiking 1,085 meters. Till this day I can’t believe I did it.
Volunteering in a creche in Cape Town made me realise how much I loved helping others, but the question still remained unanswered.
I still didn’t know what to do for a career, naturally what did I do?
I went to university.
And let me tell you this experience was the definition of character development, by force!
Wrong course, wrong uni, wrong place, right time. I dropped out knowing what I wanted to with my life, it was a messy and painful experience, but I don’t regret it.
It opened my heart to what mattered the most to me, informing and empowering others through words and photography.
Ever sine 9ams, all nighters, the whole shindig of being student is actually not bad. And don’t say I said this but it’s, fun.
Yup. I know.
Here’s a little secret for you
‘Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.’ – Confucius
The big but.
It’s important to note doing so is not as easy as picking a name out of a hat, it’s a chaotic process that will be an emotional ride, just like the sinking feeling you get or how your heart twirls as you go round and round, side to side screaming for dear life, once it is finished, don’t you feel good?
Nothing that beats that feeling of having achieved something, you once thought was frightening.